My God Reigns

I've been struggling to post lately, both from time pressures, but also because my heart has been heavy. Many of the psalms start off sad but by the time the writer has finished, they have set their eyes on God and lifted their hearts and their eyes to Him. When you look upon Him, your problems and pains get set into the proper perspective.

Sometimes things just overwhelm you, you feel “Hey, I’m doing okay!” and then you get a whammy from behind and you just feel overwhelmed.

I had that tonight as the result of an accumulation of things. Heather and I have decided to return to Morpeth at the end of June for various reasons including flight fares, my Dad’s 70th birthday, hopefully being in Ottawa for Glenda’s birthday, seeing Jenny in the summer on the chance that she might be going off elsewhere after this year, being settled in for the new IBOLT term starting in September and other reasons.
We’ve been talking with various friends over here about our future and that we really don’t know what will happen once we return home – whether we stay and get involved back in the church, or come back over to Canada for another long term stay for who knows how long.
Then I read Jenny’s latest blog posting and it just knocked my heart sideways again! It’s so tough when your heart is torn between two places and you don’t really know what you want to do. All you know is that you have people in both places that you love and want to be with. I’d written a posting on similar thoughts a few months ago about the pain of loving and the reward and I realised my heart is straining again at the pain of being apart, and the future prospect of being apart from those I love.
It seems to be a very familiar place for me to return to, probably one of my most familiar places since coming to Canada. The tough thing is that when I wrote the blog on 6th September, we didn’t know many people here very well, now we have many friends and many people we will miss dearly when we leave. As I wrote in my blog, I knew this would happen, but it doesn’t make the prospect, or the decision of where I want to be any easier and, of course, it is a decision I make with Heather, not on my own. Would I rather that I had stayed in Morpeth and never had this dilemma? Never, God has taught us so much over the last eight months and will continue to do so over the next four while we are here, I wouldn’t miss it for the world. Not to mention joining our hearts with so many wonderful people. Yet, I still sometimes find myself overwhelmed by sadness that we’ll be away from people we love whichever way we choose.
My personality type would like to focus on this and remain sad, and yet I realise that God has given me a big heart that loves so many people, and even if I’m not with all of those people, I shall always have people I love around me, even if He sends us to totally new places. He has given me a heart that loves people and He shall always provide people for me to love and those who will return love in response. I know that I shall spend eternity with those I love who love Him and so I’ll have forever to spend with them as well as with Him. The time we’re apart now will seem as nothing! Should I focus on missing the people I'm away from or enjoying the people I am with, whilst happily remembering the others and working to stay in touch with them? Why so downcast my soul?

I can trust God with my heart. He knows the needs of my heart and it is He who will satisfy them. If I try to do this myself, I will almost certainly end up hurting my heart and others’ hearts, yet if I leave my heart in His hands, though it may hurt at times, my heart is in the hands of the one who loves me more than I can imagine, and more than anyone else can love me. My heart is safe in His hands, and when it does get hurt and torn, it is He upon whom I can depend to heal it.

We learnt a new song at LGF, one that Tom Steward from Tamworth, England (brother of Chris who we went out for supper with this evening) had written and taught us soon after he arrived in Canada a few weeks ago. It made me cry at first as I realised the pain in my heart over all these things, and over uncertainties over my church in Morpeth, it so resounded with the tears my heart was crying. Then I focused on the truth that it was saying and realised it was a source of comfort and strength through the toughest times. Now I find it makes me rejoice, even as my heart resonates in pain with the second part of the chorus. My hope is in the Lord, the maker of heaven and earth. Here’s the chorus from the song (without permission - hope you don't mind Tom!) …

Our God reigns over everything,
He reigns over earth and sky and sea,
Over all the universe, our God reigns.
Yes you reign in my darkest hour,
You reign when my tears are falling down,
When I’m lost tired and alone,
Yes You reign.

I rejoice in the friends and family God has given me, they are so precious and I thank Him for them and would never be without them, even if I am apart from them. God has given me an extended family that spans continents!

The decisions we will have to make are still not easy, but there is no need to feel overwhelmed, my God is with me.

My God Reigns!