Double Death Raises Suspicions!
A second death on Edward Street has raised great concerns within the Morpeth region. Two weeks ago we received reports of the demise of Fred the Diver in the establishment known to locals as The Fishtank. It seemed believable at the time that Mr. the Diver suffered a tragic accident whilst cleaning was taking place. Miss Holt, the only witness and current manageress of The Fishtank, stated when interviewed that Mr. the Diver had been taking on too much drink and as she was cleaning he slipped and damaged his flotation device. We can only assume that as he went on another dive, he drowned unable to regain buoyancy. No suspicions were raised at the time, but the second death has definitely changed things.
Fish, the fancy tailed shubunkin
A fellow frequenter of The Fishtank, a fancy tailed Shubunkin called Fish was 'found dead' by the same Miss Holt at the beginning of this week. Trying to keep things quiet, it is alleged that the mysterious internationally renowned 'Agent Dollface' was hired to dispose of the evidence including the body. Little is know of this shady character of whom there is only one known photo when she was much younger, only that she speaks with a foreign accent, possibly North American, and that her calling card is a red maple leaf, which has caused much confusion for investigators. The British intelligence unit MI5 have refused to make any comment and the FBI are totally stumped as to what the red leaf might represent.
A possible photo of Agent Dollface and
The Confusing Maple Leaf
No signs of the body were found by investigators, but a significant number of cats have been noticed congregating close to the garbage bins close to The Fishtank. The Cats Protection League has been quick to squash all rumours that any felines were involved in the appalling death of Mr. Fish and Mr. the Diver or the subsequent disappearance of their bodies.
Steve and Heather Belleguelle, close relatives of Mr. Fish and owners of The Fishtank were contacted and asked for their thoughts on the matter. Mr Belleguelle, who is currently living in Canada (reputedly a country somewhere north of the USA) stated, "We had just started to get used to the fact that Fred was no longer with us when we received the news about Fish. It has really knocked us sideways, we are gutted." When asked if he considered it to be foulplay, Mr Belleguelle responded instantly, "When Fred went we believed it was simply an accident, but at the tragic loss of Fish within two weeks, our suspicions were raised. We definitely believe something fishy is going on. The Fishtank has always been a clean family place and we had wanted it to become a name that people across the nation would love and cherish. These incidents have really thrown cold water on those dreams." Asked about the future of The Fishtank, he replied that it would be closing down for the time being and that there were currently no plans to reopen in the foreseeable future.
Mr Belleguelle apologised that Mrs Belleguelle was unavailable for comment explaining that she was feeling pretty washed out by the whole experience.
Investigations are continuing.
Steve 
posted by Steve at
9:26 pm
6 Comments:
Something fishy is definatly gioing on here. I feel that it may be just a case of misunderstanding between Miss Holt and the victims themself. I sincerely hope that there have been no sightings of Miss Holt with batter crumbs down her clothes. However i feel that it is something that should be considered. As for the Belleguelle's, I am very sorry to hear about your loss.
By
Anonymous, at 10:14 pm
sorry jenny :)
By
Anonymous, at 10:16 pm
Thank you Beth for your sympathies, Heather and I are very touched. We too hope that Miss Holt is innocent, we wouldn't have trusted her with the management of The Fishtank if we didn't feel she was an above board character.
And congratulations for getting your comments in first for once 8-)
By
Steve, at 10:29 pm
I can't believe you used such a horrible picture of me!!
By
Anonymous, at 1:33 pm
and I think you should also tell the true story, of the heroism and courage involved in the handling of the deceased!! I'm just insulted that my work would be considered criminal! Would you have rather we just left him until you got back??
By
Anonymous, at 1:38 pm
Open letter from the editor to Agent Dollface
Dear Agent Dollface,
Having looked more thoroughly into this case, our reporter has discovered the true details of your involvement in this terrible double tragedy. We have come to recognise your great bravery and boldness in helping Miss Holt in the disposal of the body of Mr Fish who it seems actually died of natural causes.
As a very cheap tabloid with a desire for sensationalism above accuracy it does sometimes happen that we accidentally misrepresent people as a consequence of desperately looking for articles to publish, even if our only reliable independent 'witnesses' are the cat two doors away and a plastic garden gnome who it turns out was never anywhere near the scene, but it does help us get readers.
We unreservedly apologise for our misrepresentation of your character in our article and plead with you to not take us to court in a libel case. We are sure Mr and Mrs Belleguelle are very glad that you disposed of the body for them and we have passed on to them the true facts that we have uncovered since publishing the article.
We would encourage other readers to read the accurate report of the true facts of Agent Dollface's involvement found on the somewhat more reputable publication "...and I digress..."
You may be interested to know that the reporter who wrote the story has been moved onto the horticultural section of our publication and is now working on an article on the unreliability of garden gnomes and how to safely and legally evict these menaces from your garden.
As for the photograph, Agent Dollface, we thought you looked rather sweet actually.
:-)
With apologies and much grovelling,
The Editor.
(The Weekly Blog)
By
Anonymous, at 7:09 pm
Post a Comment
<< Home